Pain
by lilyflower991028
Summary: Humans are monsters, constantly hurting their own kind. How many suicide victims were there? I think I've lost count. All those suicide victims died for the exact same reason. They were all tormented by humans. I always wished to be part of the group that suicide. So that I could get out of this hell they call earth and go to a happier place. But of course, that will never happen.


**Lilyflower991028: Hey guys, just thought of really sad...and probably bad...fanfic oneshot. I didn't know which anime to use, since their probably won't be any mention of their names, but whatever.**

**Amu: Are you gonna kill me?**

**Lily: No. Shut up and read; I can't give any info to you. Top secret.**

**Amu: Ehhhh? Lily-chan!**

**Lily: Don't call me that!**

**Amu: Whatevs.**

**Lily: Sigh...enjoy the sadness. If it's so depressing, well I apologize for being so emo...(bastard). It's just I was feeling really dejected(is that the word?) and depressed, feeling like I wanted to kill myself. But I'm also a coward, so that option was out of the question. So I'll just stay in this dirty cobwebbed corner and cry by myself, hugging my knees close to my chest so nobody will have to see my ugly face.**

**Amu: Lily was reading some PRETTY depressing things.**

**Lily: Whatevs. Enjoy.**

**Amu: Enjoy!**

* * *

"I want the pain to stop," I whispered to some imaginary character.

How long had this been going on? How long would I have to endure this kind of life? ...I was 11 right about now. By the time I was 23 or something, I could have enough money to move out...how long is that...?

I counted the numbers on my fingers, feeling too sluggish to work it out in my head, though it was quite a simple question that a year 4 could answer in less than 10 seconds. I think.

"12 years..." I whispered. "Well that's alright...maybe I could muster up the courage to jump off a cliff when I'm 16 or something..."

I sighed and shook my head, just making myself feel dizzy.

Amu Hinamori. 11 year old girl, year 6. Lives in Tokyo Japan.

I am constantly living in fear. In fear that I will have to wake up the next day and realise that another painful day will be lying ahead of me.

I looked over at my alarm clock.

'11:45...' I thought.

My whole life, I had been constantly abused. I never said it out loud, so I didn't know if the people abusing me realised what they were doing. But that didn't matter to me.

Even if it was my family and friends who really hurt me the most, I didn't care. That sort of thing...I got over a long time ago. My whole life, I put up with it. I put up with it, because if I ever told anybody else, they would dismiss it as something childish. After all, I was only 11. Who believes an 11 year old girl?

I humourlessly laughed at my pitiful self.

Of course, I still lived with my family-my mother, father, and my older brother. I always avoid trying to talk to them...after all, if it did, it would only turn into a fight that was always 'my fault'.

I hoped they were all asleep, as I was in my room and any eavesdroppers would be able to hear what I was saying. I didn't want people to know. I didn't want people to know my sadness. To feel it. To see it. Even to hear it. After all, if they knew, they would just laugh at me.

I sighed and grabbed my notebook, a pencil, and started righting the exact same thing I had written about 10 minutes ago.

Why? Why is it my fault? Why do I have to suffer? Why, when everybody around me ignores my pain? Why does God ignore my pleas for happiness, or at the very least, death? Why can't I die, Why? Why do people pretend? Why do they pretend to love and care for me, when really, they wished I didn't exist? Why do I have to live this way?Dreading to wake up every single day? Dreading life itself?

...why does this pain hurt so much?

I put the pencil and notebook down, trying not to sigh, which I had done almost the whole night.

The room felt suffocating, and I wanted to get some fresh air. I silently got out of bed and out my bedroom, heading downstairs. It was dark and probably would've been scary, but I wasn't really thinking about that. I garbbed my coat and put it on, suspecting it was going to be cold.

I slowly opened the front door and noticed a silhouette under the street lamp, head tilted up to the dark sky.

I breathed out, a cloud of mist surrounding me.

"Ikuto?" I whispered, noticing his unmistakable blue hair. He turned around to look at me, blinking quicker than normal.

"Amu...hi," he said, walking towards me.

"Hi," I replied.

Ikuto Tsukiyomi. 12 years old, year 6. Lives in Tokyo Japan and is a very close childhood friend. I've had feelings for him since year 4.

"Pretty cold today, isn't it?" Ikuto asked. I nodded, shoving my hands into my coat pockets.

"What are you doing out?" I asked.

"Taking a walk."

I slightly laughed.

"At this time of night?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied. "So, what are you doing out so late?"

"I needed some fresh air,"

"I see."

"Well, I should probably go back inside before my parents find out."

"Amu."

Ikuto's tone of voice froze me in my tracks.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I should ask you that," Ikuto said.

"Eh?"

"You seem kind of...depressed,"

"What are you talking about?" I smiled. Ikuto furrowed his brows.

"Can I come inside with you?" Ikuto asked.

"What?"

"Argh, just come on," he grabbed my arm and proceeded to drag me back into the house. Once we got in, for some reason I entered the kitchen, setting my sights on a knife, then quickly looking away.

"What's wrong? What happened?" Ikuto asked, placing his hands on my shoulders, an affectionate gesture...though it did no good in consoling me. In fact, it just made me think about all the emotions swerving around my head.

I couldn't handle it any longer.

"Make the pain stop..." I said, my voice cracking. I felt my knees buckle and I fell into Ikuto's arms, stopping me from falling to the cold marble floor. Tears brimmed my eyes, then finally falling to the floor in silent drops.

I tried to silence my sobs, as my family was asleep and I didn't want to disturb them with something as trivial as this. After all, I'm so used to crying, this was the first time I'd cried in about a year. I had forced myself not to cry, even if I broke a bone or cracked my skull. Soon enough, I was able to stop my tears...but this was just to much.

"Amu, what's wrong?" Ikuto asked, trying to stay calm. He sat down on the floor, letting me clutch his arms in frustration.

"I can't handle it any more..." I whispered. I stood up, trying to wipe away the mass of tears I couldn't even comprehend after pushing all my emotions down the drain.

'The drain is clogged...' I thought.

"Amu?" Ikuto asked. I walked over to what I had set my eyes on a moment before-the knife. I took it and observed it for a moment, before turning it towards myself...

And plunging it into my chest.

I saw Ikuto's eyes widened. He stood up and ran over to me before I could fall onto the floor.

"Amu!" He exclaimed. I felt myself slipping out of what they call life.

"Sh..." I whispered. "Be quiet. They'll hear you."

Tears formed in his eyes.

"Amu! Why?" He asked, although he was whispering now. He sat on the floor, his tears dripping on my face.

"Now...the pain will end," I said, smiling slightly. "And it's not like anyone will miss me when I'm gone." My voice was going raspy. I could practically feel the colour slowly draining out of my eyes, along with my life.

"No! What about me? I'll miss you!" Ikuto said, grabbing my hand with his and raising it to his cheek. "Don't you think I'll miss you?"

I laughed a bit at that.

"You selfish bastard," I said, though I was smiling. Ikuto forced a smile as well, choking on a laugh. "Sorry. I didn't think of you. Hey, Ikuto..."

"What? What is it?" he asked. I breathed carefully.

"I love you. I've loved you since year 4," I said, softly shaking my hand out of his' and caressing his face. He placed a hand over it and choked on a sob.

"I love you too," he said, caressing my face as well. I smiled happily at that.

"Ne, Ikuto..."

"Yes?"

"Goodbye."

I saw Ikuto's eyes widened just as the last glimpse of life left in my disappeared. But it was alright.

I could be happy now.

**Ikuto POV **

"Ne, Ikuto..." Amu said, her voice soft.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Goodbye."

Amu's hand slid off my face and fell on the hard, cold floor. The last bit of colour in her eyes disappeared.

"Amu?" I shook her lightly. No answer. "Amu? Ne, don't leave me...don't die...I'll be sad without you."

I choked on yet another sob, feeling the blood seep through my fingers.

"I love you," I said, moving a strand of hair away from her face.

'Why is this happening? Why was it Amu that suffered? Why can't I protect her?' I wondered. My eyes wandered and landed on the knife next to her.

"Don't hate me Amu..." I said, picking up the knife.

"But this is the only way I can continue to protect you."

**Epilogue(very short) **

The next morning, Amu Hinamori and Ikuto Tsukiyomi's bodies were found in the kitchen of the Hinamori house. It is said that they committed a double suicide, as smiles were on their faces.

Ten years later, nothing remained of the memory of Amu Hinamori.

Everyone she knew had forgotten she ever existed.


End file.
